Lovely Reader,
In my last blog, I about what Self-Love can look like. Let’s do a quick primer on how you begin to develop it.
We live in a culture that does not teach us self-love or self-compassion because focusing on ourselves, is somehow selfish or sinful. Our job is to take care of others.
But we can learn how to become our own best friend.
First, you need to believe you deserve to love yourself and commit to the journey.
Buddha said, “You above all others in the Universe deserve your own love and affection”.
Here is an affirmation “I am a unique human being, meant to be on the earth, to share my gifts and spread my love.”
Next, get resourced…start with books and affirmation cards. Maybe a journal. Take a program on line or get the personal direction of a therapist or life coach.
You’ve been bogged down with self-criticism and self-neglect for many years, so you are going to greatly benefit from support and accountability.
Let’s talk about positive self-talk and positive affirmations. You don’t’ have to practice being self-critical. It is automatic. You do have to practice talking nice to yourself.
Let’s try one now: ”I am a woman of courage, wisdom, and strength. I choose to believe in me”.
The important thing with affirmations is to practice them every day. Start out by saying them in your head, then practice out loud. Then take a selfie and say these affirmations out loud while gazing kindly at your selfie. Finally, graduate to saying these affirmations to yourself as you gaze at your reflection in the eyes, in a mirror.
On the flip side, we can work on softening the Critical Inner Voice. When you notice judgy, self-critical thoughts popping into your head, you can either reframe them with the truth of who you truly are or just say “No, I am not going there” and instead focus on what you are grateful for.
It I not enough to just say “No” to the thoughts. You need to replace them with positive thoughts or more negative thoughts will just pop in. Nature abhors a vacuum.
Finally, let’s explore the importance of self-compassion. As women, we usually excel at giving compassion to others and suck at giving it to ourselves. This is because of all the cultural programming we talked about earlier.
But the fact remains, we have the skills. We just need to turn the focus on to ourselves and our own pain and suffering.
I wrote an eBook on Self-Compassion, complete with my journey to Self-Compassion, an easy practice and an embedded guided meditation.
You can pick it up here. https://www.fullpowerwomen.com/selfcompassionbook
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